Almost 11 months since I decided to go out on a limb and shift gears.?What a journey.✨
Last year this time, I was planning, packing, praying. Anxious of what I am leaving behind yet excited to the possibilities of…something.
And still, everything, every single thing, felt so mysterious. Even though I planned and researched as much as I could, it didn’t feel enough. Out there is the unknown. Out there is the decision I am making and it is on…me. There are no guarantees. No words of comfort. Because, after all, who knows how it will be? During? After? What happens then? What happens next?
Today, I look back.
Today, I stop.
I am out here. Still here.
It’s everything and nothing I thought it would be.
All is well.
I still wonder if there’s ever a right path… or are we just constantly unraveling who we are by the choices we are making?
The question comes, “How does it feel?” I often feel obliged to answer that question with, “I am happy.” But the truth is, I know now that whatever path I choose, I can be happy. I would have been happy if I stayed. Because that cliche is true: No matter where you are or what you are doing, happiness is a choice that we get to make, everyday.
So it’s not about happiness. So what then? Maybe it’s that moment of following that whisper from the inside, no matter how it looks from the outside. I feel like I am finally giving myself the permission to take up space in this world. Taking that step to do something completely crazy (to me) and abandoning the main road to explore a part of myself that wanted to go down this untested path feels like giving myself the permission to listen,really listen, to who I am becoming. Pushing myself to follow my own intuition, amidst all misgivings and disasters and chaos, feels like establishing a relationship within me and this life-force that surrounds me.
I see it now very clearly, we are in a constant dialogue with life.The communication lines are not clear because we’re really not taught to listen and speak like our voices matter. But it does. Life expands and shrinks in direct proportion to our openness to communicate with it. ✨
