Writing and I have a love-hate relationship. It’s one of the easiest and yet most difficult thing for me to do. Putting together words to express how I feel or what I think or where I am almost comes naturally to me… if only I didn’t have to wage an inner battle every time I scribble a sentence down. As the cliche goes, it’s this constant struggle to be…or not to be.
As I write, a conversation starts to emerge:
Me: This is what I think…
Myself: Are you sure this is what “I” think? How about when this happens? Do you remember that one time when…
Writing: *cricket cricket*
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve grab a pen (or my laptop) and got really excited to jot down something and then it ends up unfinished or worst, un-started.
Why is it so difficult? For me, it’s because writing is this unending self-introspection: like being questioned by an FBI agent on a tight enclosed space. Questions to try and crack you; to prove and assure that whatever comes out of you is genuine and reliable – truthful. It looks very calm from the outside, but inside? It’s this intense mind game that usually ends up in a deadlock.
Today, I am attempting to break the deadlock.
Yes, it is difficult to write things because you get quoted for it, you become responsible for what’s on paper and the point of view you represent. And that can be really scary. What if I change, what if I misspoke or misunderstood things?
And I realized the simple answer: then you write some more… then you write again. Right now, all I can do is go back to my experiences, my memories, my reflections, observations and questions and to be truthful to them as much as possible and then write.
If you’re like me who has been wanting to start – whether it be writing, or singing, or dancing or whatever it is you’ve been itching to do – go ahead, take a step forward. After all, awesome takes practice. :)
