I was cleaning up my phone and found pictures of my trip to Aruba last year. Looking at pictures usually put me in a reflective mood…
I remember a few weeks before that trip (for work) the biggest question I had was, “Should I drive in the island or not?”
What’s the big deal, right? Does it matter? The trip will happen regardless. But for whatever reason, it did.
Today as I look back, I think I understand a little bit more as to why… I also realize that life’s most important questions and lessons always seem to come to me this way — wrapped in experiences that are seemingly insignificant and simple and “not a big deal” but end up as defining moments. Life is sneaky and smart this way…
But I digress.
So at the beginning of planning this trip I automatically assumed I wasn’t driving. It was not even a question. I’ll arrange transportation — taxi, Uber, or whatever else was available. Driving just seemed unnecessary, GPS may/may not be good and it might be too risky and stressful. Done.
Then as the trip got closer, I started thinking… Since I have the opportunity to be there why not make the most of it? So I started looking up places than can be explored. I found out that Aruba is a tiny country – it’s only about 20 miles long! Some people say it’s about a 2-3 hour drive from top to bottom! With the limited time I had I’ll see a lot more with a car…
So I looked up reviews and suggestions of people who’s done the drive and majority of them said – do it. Encouraging! There was one thing though – driving rules can vary from country to country. Next research: driving rules in Aruba. Pretty similar as the US except you can’t turn right on red. Okay… I can handle that.
So the “100% No” became “50% No” just by doing some personal research. The risk for me might not be as high as I initially thought. Now the next step was checking with the clients I was about to visit. Amazingly enough, this was too easy. They were almost relieved when I suggested driving. Okay. That brought the no to 15%.
But here comes the second guessing…The 3rd, 4th, 5th… Can I do it? Do I have to? Why?
These three are to me the hardest questions I always come across in life.
Ultimately, they are questions about myself and who I am.
And today, the enlightenment happened because I realize that most, if not all, of the decisions we make are not just to answer who we are at that present moment (which is so hard, imagine looking at the spot you’re standing while you’re standing at it) — instead it’s answering the question of who we want to be, who we are going to be… who we are becoming.
I didn’t exactly answer those 3 questions before I decided what to do… The freedom to move, the idea of exploring freely and the smell of a new adventure made that decision for me.
Lesson number 1: Although it may seem like there are a lot of ways to make a decision, in most cases the values we hold close to our hearts — whether we know it or not – will make the decisions for us. Who am I becoming? I am becoming a person who puts a very high value on freedom and ability to explore.
When I got to Aruba, I was feeling pretty excited. I left the airport and right outside are the car rentals. I went to where I had my reservation and the lady at the counter looked at me (before I even stepped fully inside) and said, “We don’t have cars anymore.”
But I had a reservation!
She didn’t care, there was nothing she could do.
Frustrated, I started to question my decision. But here I am, so I walked on and checked atleast 6 places who all told me the same thing. Finally,the very last place had good news. Sort of. The man looks at me apologetically and said, “It’s the last car we have. It’s kind of old.”
I don’t care. I’ll take it!
So he walks me down the parking lot and there’s a silver 1995 Chevy, pretty scratched up. It still has a cassette player. The locks are the little cylindrical bolts you pull up and push down. To roll down the window was to literally roll down a lever.
Vintage? Ah, nope. Just very old.
Okay, that’s fine — as long as it runs, who cares? I’m not picky. But then the first thing he does, before giving me the keys, is open up the trunk and show me the spare tire. Trying to reassure me, he goes on to say that in case of breakdown, this tire should work. Feel free to use it. And if anything happens call this 1-800 number. Okay, not encouraging!
In my history of renting cars, I’ve never had anyone show me the spare tire. Was this an Aruba thing?
This may not be a good idea after-all… But then he gave me a big smile, pointed me to the exit and waved me goodbye before I could fully change my mind.
So off I went, slowly but surely, with a GPS that takes 5 minutes to refresh, I went round and round a rotunda — Ah, many more rotundas (roundabout). My hotel, supposed to be 10 minutes away became 30 minutes and I keep telling myself, it’s fine. I’m in no rush and it’s part of my adventure. Small consolation when you’re lost. So I shut the Garmin GPS off, turned on my phone and thanked God for Google Maps. Yes, had to pay extra $$ for that.
Lesson 2: The decision to become who you are becoming will come with its pros and cons. It’s good to be aware of it. I think it’s wise. Scary….but wise. You will question yourself, question what you want. The 3 questions above will come up again and again. Can I do it? Do I have to? Why? There are trade-offs. My decision to have freedom and explore with “convenience” came with a cost — inconvenience, weariness, uncertainty and in some ways, danger.
But as I drove around and I was able to somehow navigate the tricky roundabouts and stay out late after a long day of work just to see some of the city — I knew that if I had to do it all over again, I would do it in a heartbeat. I was physically tired but mentally liberated. I was in a strange land but amazingly at peace. I felt like I was doing something I was meant to do. And in that moment, I had this feeling of clarity that had guided me in some of my decision-making since then. I’m starting to understand my priorities. I am starting to understand what motivates me. I am starting to see where this inner voice, so easy to ignore, is leading me.
Lesson 3: It’s so hard but necessary to understand your personal priorities. They are like footprints that leads you back home — to yourself. Society tells us that there is a one size fits all. There’s one blueprint that’s drawn for us. You’re expected to pay the price to get a copy of that floor plan and off you go to build your happily ever after. Culture will tell us what’s valuable. Individual vs group, innovation vs stability, daring vs safety, new vs old, education, experience… And depending on where you live, the forces to draw you into a default, a certain way of life is so, so strong.
But we are all so wonderfully different!
I don’t think it’s wrong to want to follow that path. Not at all. If it gives you peace and joy and motivates you then you’ve hit the jackpot and I want to give you a high-five! More power to you, my friend.
But if you feel some inner resistance, some inner whisper that’s pulling you towards a possibly unpopular route I hope that if the feeling gets strong enough, you find the love and time for yourself to look deeper.
C.S. Lewis once said, “We read to know that we are not alone.” I never fully understood that until lately.
Look around and you’ll see that you’re never alone in how you’re feeling. You’re never alone in what you’re doing. There are people, maybe small, but they are there, that’s going through something similar. Take hope and courage in that.
I am always so grateful when I read reviews because regardless of the good and bad, it shows that we humans strongly value each others experiences and opinions. I am so grateful for people who take the time to open up and share. I am trying to be more like them. There are pros and cons to that decision, of course. It’s not easy. It takes time. Depending on what it is, it can leave you feeling raw and vulnerable. But that’s the person I am hoping, deciding, to become because I want to value people’s truth and freedom as I hope they value mine.
Lesson Number 4: I can never post a short post. Short and sweet, no matter how hard I try is just not happening for me. Hahaha So here’s a long and possibly windy post, as always. ♥️
** So a few days after writing this post, we did karaoke. Guess what Nick chose to sing? The Incubus song “DRIVE.” I haven’t heard this song in at least 10 years! Ah, life’s wonderful coincidences! And I thought, yep, I’ll take that as a sign. Here’s some of the lyrics.
” Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It’s driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find
That I should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings
I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes
Whatever tomorrow brings
I’ll be there, I’ll be there.”
Hope we all find the courage to hold the wheel and drive :)
